Dyper Plays Bingo!
by Pinecone-Face-Valdez
Summary: What do you get when you have 3 delusional middle school girls  who hate Dylan and Piper  staying up past midnight? A super duper, uber cool FANFICTION. Sound interesting? Read to find out.


Hello, readers. This is a new story, I'm not really sure where it's headed. It's by me and my lovely friends Ashleigh and Elea, so don't give me all the credit! It's a cross between Maximum Ride (where we obviously hate Dylan) and the Lost Hero (where we obviously hate Piper) and… our splendiferous teachers at our horrendous middle school. You kinda have to know them to understand this, but maybe you'll laugh as much as we did. Okay, first disclaimer: We do not own Maximum Ride or Percy Jackson. (WAAHHH!) Now, on with the story!

Dylan skipped out the front door, he was looking fabulous today with his skinny jeans, his sassy bonnet and his cheetah print clogs, but it was his pink tutu that completed the look. The outfit would make his Aunt Voldemort proud. He hopped into his go-kart, anticipating a wonderful day of shopping. He arrived at CVS and frolicked over to his favorite place. As he browsed the cosmetics aisle, he noticed someone almost as snazzy as himself. He trotted up to her. "RaWr." He said, attempting to sound macho.

"I see you're a soprano," the warthog-like girl said. "By the way, I'm Piper." She paused to let out a tremendous snort. _Wow! That was attractive!_ Dylan thought to himself. She inhaled through her jungle filled nostrils. "Mmm. Are you wearing _Jean Paul's Ape Magnet_? Because it's working."

"Ooh. You noticed," Dylan said, blushing, resembling a potato.

"Would you care to join me in my Grandpa's basement tonight for a hip party? There will be a bunch of fantabulous ladies there, but of course you will always be my numero verde," Piper said.

"You speak Japanese?"

"Oui."

"Oh, Slovakian too! I love a man- sorry woman with many talents." Dylan said.

With the end of that conversation, Piper led Dylan to her grandpa's house. As they galloped on their imaginary unicorns (Dylan's was fuchsia with magenta polka dots, while Piper's was barf colored- which matched her eyes perfectly.) Dylan noticed the house…er… sewer. He was overwhelmed with emotion- it was so beautiful in his eyes.

As they got closer, Dylan noticed a man whose size could've been compared to that of a love sac's _**(A/N Love Sacs are those giant bean bags, they're awesome) **_waltzout. He had no hair but his mustard yellow jumpsuit made up for it. Dylan also liked his hot pink sweatband that read, _I LUV BUTTER_. "Well aren't you the two most dashing young men in the tri-state area!" His voice resembled a mix between a pregnant elephant and a constipated Jonas brother.

"Gramps, are you wearing your eyeglasses?" Piper questioned.

"Why, yes. Why do you ask?" he replied as he readjusted his pink Barbie sunglasses.

"It's me, Piper."

"…Your point?"

"I'm lovin' your booties!" Dylan butt in.

"Why thanks, I got them at Forever 65, 99% off. I don't know why they wanted to get rid of them, I mean, who can resist the aura of Camp Rock 2?" Finally they reached Mr. G's "man" cave- that was literally a cave.

"Who's that?" Dylan asked, pointing at the bear knitting in the corner.

"Oh, don't mind her," Mr. G responded. "That's just my mother-in-law Helga." They continued walking through the cave/sewer/shack until they entered a room where two ladies sat, playing Bingo over a bowl of rice and a half eaten stick of butter, probably nibbled at by Piper's grandpa or Helga. Dylan couldn't tell, his mind could only handle so much.

"Deal me in sugar babes." Dylan said as he reapplied his perfume- making sure he made a good impression on these two foxy chicks. The one on he left had a name tag that read, _Hi, my name is __Bu_¢_ky__! _She had a cent sign through the "c", trying to seem like Ke$ha.

Just then, Mr. G remembered (for the first time in his life) that he had a spankin' new jive he wanted to show off. He quickly ran to his stereo, which was really just a tin can connected to a jar of mayonnaise and blasted Rebecca Black's "Friday". He immediately started to belly dance- he ripped off his jumpsuit revealing a coconut bra and baby blue short shorts that read "Class of 1907" on the butt.

The lady on the right, who wore a skintight giraffe print body suit and neon rainbow leg warmers, joined him.

"Shake those hips, Diane!" Mr. G sang. Piper and Dylan farted in harmony to the amazing song they were so excited. Bu¢ky was snoring as she cuddled up against her teddy bear; Chicago Joe. Clearly she was too old to say up past 4:30.

Suddenly, the music stopped.

"Oh, drat, out of mayo!" Mr. G exclaimed, mayonnaise dripping from his triple chin. Fortunately for him, even Piper and Dylan's combined three brain cells couldn't put two and two together.

The awkward silence was broken when Piper broke out in a snort attack.

"Let's finish bingo!" Diane- Ms. Kobus- said. Her voice was similar to an Alpaca with nasal problems. "I'm really hoping to win that spicy bowl of Jell-O!"

"It's rice," Bucky reminded her. Her voice, well let's just say that if a dying raccoon could talk, it would sound like her. It was sure to give Dylan even more nightmares.

Well, that's our story! I k now, there is really no sense of closure, but we were working on this at like midnight, so we were partially delusional. Maybe we'll make another chapter if you like it


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